Nana Ash

When I was first told of your illness, Nana, I thought "this is just your turn to be doted on". After my cousins, then Poppa, and Aunty Jan, you took care of everyone with no fuss, no drama. Just love, kindness, compassion, and patience. This was just your turn for us to return the favour.

The first time I saw you after you had been diagnosed, I thought you looked normal, healthy, just yourself. No sign or symptoms of the cancer growing inside you. We acted like a normal family, ate chocolate and joked with each other - no worries, mate.

Then we visited you at home, with Poppa fussing over tea and visitors; a constant flow as everyone wanted to see you, be beside you, hug you and tell you how much of a trooper you are. Stay strong, Josie, it may be terminal but you got a lot left in the tank.

After a few visits, I thought I could see a change in you. We knew you were in pain, we know you too well. You kept such a brave face on for us, but we could tell this thing was hurting you, and there was nothing we could do to take that away. We didnt know the extent of this thing, we had no clue how to deal with it. You stayed strong, but in your eyes there was a change.

And then we found the shadows, the tumors in your brain. All the while I thought you'd be OK, but I didnt know exactly what that OK would be...

We had a party, you showed up and we had such a nice time. There was our family, our banter, our silly conversations. Aunty Jan made eclaires, Poppa tried his best to steal them, give us a laugh. You sat in the corner with a headscarf on, watching over your family, not yourself - you havent been for a while. This will pass, we thought, and you'll be back to your old self. We were so thankful you made the effort that night.

You went up to the beach, to go home for a little while. I thought to visit you, but none of us expected what came next to come so soon. Your insides were so damaged from all this cancer, they started to give up. In hospital, you wanted no more drugs. In the middle of the night, you left us.

It feels surreal now. You were so lively, so alive, you did have so much life left in you. And now all I hope is that you made it down onto the sand, to be by the water.

Our strong matriarch, I miss you.

We love you, always will.